So my grandma cried tonight. It was heartbreaking. In the past couple of weeks she has had these moments where she realizes she's severely losing her memory. And those times are really really hard. It's like this for me. When she's being annoying, and combative and ridiculous, its irritating but not heart wrenching for just those reasons. She doesn't know what shes doing so I can separate the actions from the person. Often the diatribe people tell you when you complain or your feelings are hurt by something a person with Alzheimer's says or does is "it's the disease" And while that's rarely satisfying, at least its something.
Whats the worse though are those moments of clarity when she knows something is dreadfully dreadfully wrong. Tonight it started simply. She's been cold at night, so we asked her why she won't put a blanket on her bed. She tells us she doesn't have one and my mother and I remind her that she received one from my mother for Christmas this January. Like every other time we tell her something she doesn't remember, she tells us that she never knew she had a new blanket and that no one told her. But when we try to assure her that it was found in her closet and now she can use it, she freaked out.
She couldn't understand how she could have received something months ago, have put it up, never took it out of the plastic wrapping AND not thank my mother for the gift. The last two aren't true, she did look at it, comment on how nice the blanket is and thank my mom. But I find it interesting that not being polite and thanking my mom was tantamount to losing her mind for my grandmother. She was convinced that the next step was not knowing who she was and walking out of the house in the middle of the night and wandering away.
And of course, because she was so busy focusing on how she must be losing her mind, she then couldn't remember going to the doctor today AND running into my brother at the doctor's office. Which, of course, made her more convinced that she was going crazy and as she walked to her room to change for bed, she was wiping tears from her eyes.
I don't know what to do with that. I mean, other than feel sad.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
My Celebrity Friends
So, like everyone else, there are a number of celebrities who I feel a certain affinity for. Like, if we ever crossed paths regularly, we could be coffee shop, movie watching, celebrity bashing homies. Here is a short list of my chosen "circle of trust" or as Wendy Williams has said "friends in my head". You know, assuming, i could meet these people and have more than the customary "yeah I'm famous, thanks for the support, now walk away before i accuse you of stalking me."
Craig Ferguson- I discovered/fell in love with his show sometime around the Late Night Wars Part II. He made a Carson Daly joke and I was sold. I've been dvr-ing his show since. Something about the "what the hell" care he takes of his show combined with the self deprecating humor and his love of all things silly (cue robot sidekick named Geoff Peterson, "Secretariat" and all those puppets) and this is a man who I can get on board with. When I was last in LA, my only planned event was seeing his show. It was awesome. Also, that studio really is tiny, dark and freezing.
Holly Robinson Peete- I've enjoyed her since Hanging with Mr. Cooper. And everytime I've caught an interview with her, she seems just really down to earth. Actually, i sorta hate the banality of the "down to earth" description. More like, she seems like the kinda girl you can go out for mani-pedis with but also throw back beers and/or wine and trash talk about sports teams. And the more I see of her on The Talk, the more I'm convinced.In the course of two days, she skateboarded across the set and faceplanted, jumping up with the "Who me? Nah nah, you didn't see that!" look and challenged Justin Bieber to air hockey, not caring one whit if the pre teens in the audience staged an uprising when she scored on him.
TMZ staff- Yup, I love that show. I really do. When I go away and come home, I often knock out about 3 of those shows before I check out anything else on the DVR. I love the snarkiness of the show and the people in that newsroom really make the show. I would barely care about half of those celebrities without the guarantee of a barbed comment here or there. There's also one guy in particular who is small and Jewish and generally in the back of the room who may quietly be one of the naturally funniest people currently on television.
Kristin Bell- This is a girl who wears "shark bite" and "ninja fight" bandaids so she "doesn't have to explain what happened" when she's wearing a bandaid. Also, the combo of her and the show Parenthood are conspiring to convince that Dax Shephard may be a cool dude. I NEVER thought that would be possible. Dane Cook, you still suck.
Joshua Jackson- Who doesn't love Pacey? Or Charlie? I've watched one Fringe show so maybe I'm not the most loyal fan. But I love him and think he's sexy so he can roll with me anytime.
Hugh Jackman- Doesn't he seem super nice? Anyone who can sing in a Broadway musicale playing a gay man and also kick ass as Wolverine can hang out with me anytime. He also seems like the gamest person ever, like if you suggest it, he would be the first one to say "Yeah, sure, we can give that a go."
Michelle Obama- I sorta want to be her. But since that's not possible, we could be peoples if we were in the same age group. I mostly content myself by saying that I may already be cool with the next generation's Michelle O. Don't know which of my girls she is yet, but I'm confident I know her.
America Ferrera- She's another person who just seems really grounded. I also feel like she would be that friend who would tell me when my boyfriend sucked but in a kind and gentle way. Unless I was being dense, and then she would tell me I'm being an idiot. I need one of those in my celebrity crew.
The Go Fug Yourself Girls- They write snarky fashion commentary, love completely age inappropriate teen dramas and are avid lovers of college basketball. That is me.
Other honorable mentions
Party Friends- You know, the friends who aren't your real people, but you run into them in the scene and they're always a good time, intentionally or not.
DL Hughley - He's hilarious, super smart, and pretty mean. We couldn't hang out all the time, but I would be in tears or on the floor laughing anytime he was around.
Wanda Sykes - I once saw her, in person, climb out of a booth (literally climb out) when a Biggie song came on just so she could get down and dance.
Charles Barkley- He once told Dave Letterman that while he wants college bball players to stay in college and get degrees, he hasn't bothered to get his yet because he's just " really loaded". Gotta love a man both that honest and unintentionally hilarious.
Nene Leakes - We don't need to be friends. I just want to be around when shit goes down around her.
Will Smith - Don't know why, but I'm sold on Will Smith. I will go and watch his movies no matter how strange. And if ever aliens/zombies come down to take over the planet, I'm more comfortable with him around to save us.
Acquaintances- We don't need to hang out all the time, but I wanna read all their updates on facebook and may still be invited to their birthday parties, but only if they invited everyone they knew in the immediate area.
Paul Rudd
Sinbad
Brad Paisley
Korto Momolu
Jennifer Nettles
Jennifer Hudson
Oprah
I realize that last set it really random, but hey, don't we all have a few of those in our crew?
Other honorable mentions
Party Friends- You know, the friends who aren't your real people, but you run into them in the scene and they're always a good time, intentionally or not.
DL Hughley - He's hilarious, super smart, and pretty mean. We couldn't hang out all the time, but I would be in tears or on the floor laughing anytime he was around.Wanda Sykes - I once saw her, in person, climb out of a booth (literally climb out) when a Biggie song came on just so she could get down and dance.
Charles Barkley- He once told Dave Letterman that while he wants college bball players to stay in college and get degrees, he hasn't bothered to get his yet because he's just " really loaded". Gotta love a man both that honest and unintentionally hilarious.Nene Leakes - We don't need to be friends. I just want to be around when shit goes down around her.
Will Smith - Don't know why, but I'm sold on Will Smith. I will go and watch his movies no matter how strange. And if ever aliens/zombies come down to take over the planet, I'm more comfortable with him around to save us.
Paul Rudd
Sinbad
Brad Paisley
Korto Momolu
Jennifer Nettles
Jennifer Hudson
Oprah
I realize that last set it really random, but hey, don't we all have a few of those in our crew?
Random Happenings
So as a major inspiration for this blog was to jot down the random happenings of living with someone with Alzheimer's, I think that occasionally, it will be worthwhile to just post some random happenings with my grandma.
1. The way she wakes me up. So, my grandmother is now sleeping in 2-3 hours spurts. Which is not fun. Fortunately, or not, depending on the day, I'm not working so I'm up a lot in the middle of night. This means, I constantly tell her, usually two times a night now for the past couple of weeks, to go back to bed since its the middle of night. However, on the occasions when I am peacefully asleep, she has chosen the following method to wake me up. Picture me peacefully sleeping on my stomach or back, all lights off at 4am in the morning. And then suddenly, someone grabs my foot on top of the covers and yells "BIBBY!" I am not a heavy sleepy. Just saying my name in a reasonable tone is usually enough to wake me. I'm pretty sure this scares about a month off my life EVERYTIME.
2. The oven. So, we finally hit another milestone. When my grandmother wakes up in the middle of the night she always thinks that's its morning and she always thinks that she has to get ready to go to the center. My grandmother has the same breakfast everyday. Some version of toast w/ jam and tea. To counter her more frequent tendencies to burn things to a startling amount, usually making the fire alarm to go off, we've done the following: 1. Bought one of those super basic toaster that automatically shuts itself off after the toast pops up and B. We bought a thermos that my mother fills up every morning with hot water, so she can simply pour the water when she gets up instead of turning on the stove.
The problem is she still turns on the stove because she forgets the thermos has hot water, or she just wants to do it herself. As she has on different occasions burned several pots, herself and left the gas on, we finally made the call to remove the knobs on the stove. As this was at 2:30 am when she decided she wanted a cup of tea (which i refused because this would have turned into a 1.5 hour process- 5 minutes for the team to hot up, 15 minutes for the tea to be cool enough to drink, 25 minutes to drink the tea, and another 45 minutes for her to "sit up" after drinking the cup of tea) she got angry and decided to sulk. Once again watching Disney cartoons on the loveseat since we had a 12 year old sleeping on our couch again.
3. We may have another milestone coming up. While Grandma isn't a wanderer and is generally scared to leave the house on her own, she does have the unfortunate habit of unlocking and opening the door to outside in the middle of the night and taking a peek outside. She is supposedly checking to see if the door is locked (although as I mentioned, she first unlocks the door). I bought these motion sensor door alarms that are quite loud sometime last year. My mom wants me to start activating them. I'm hesitant but it may be time. I don't know. Its not fun.
4. But here's my favorite and probably the funniest. I'm in a wedding in May and the bridal shower is coming up this weekend. For the bridal shower, I bought a few things including a very pretty hatbox to hold everything, a lovely picture frame and two nighties. One is sorta seafoam blue and the other is a leopard print body shapper/bustier kinda thing. The bride is tiny. Like maybe 110 pounds and a skim over five feet. So of course the two nighties are small/extra small. No one in my family is a small by any stretch of the imagination. I, of course, come out of my room and see my grandmother going through the hatbox with her dinner also in her lap. I immediately go to take the items from her (chinese food and silk do NOT go together) which is when she INSISTS that the items are hers. In fact, she is holding the leopard print (x-tra small) body shaper and tells me straight-faced and indignant that this is the bathing suit she bought for herself not too long ago. I was literally speechless. My grandmother who has not been in a body of water OR left the house without a sweater on (even in 90 degree weather) in more than 15 years has convinced herself that I am trying to STEAL HER LEOPARD PRINT BATHING SUIT (which is again, not a bathing suit). I still took the items and had to hide them from her because she will pack them away when I'm not looking (she's taken a few bags and some victoria secret underwear from me this way). I'm always curious to see if this will come back to haunt me.
1. The way she wakes me up. So, my grandmother is now sleeping in 2-3 hours spurts. Which is not fun. Fortunately, or not, depending on the day, I'm not working so I'm up a lot in the middle of night. This means, I constantly tell her, usually two times a night now for the past couple of weeks, to go back to bed since its the middle of night. However, on the occasions when I am peacefully asleep, she has chosen the following method to wake me up. Picture me peacefully sleeping on my stomach or back, all lights off at 4am in the morning. And then suddenly, someone grabs my foot on top of the covers and yells "BIBBY!" I am not a heavy sleepy. Just saying my name in a reasonable tone is usually enough to wake me. I'm pretty sure this scares about a month off my life EVERYTIME.
2. The oven. So, we finally hit another milestone. When my grandmother wakes up in the middle of the night she always thinks that's its morning and she always thinks that she has to get ready to go to the center. My grandmother has the same breakfast everyday. Some version of toast w/ jam and tea. To counter her more frequent tendencies to burn things to a startling amount, usually making the fire alarm to go off, we've done the following: 1. Bought one of those super basic toaster that automatically shuts itself off after the toast pops up and B. We bought a thermos that my mother fills up every morning with hot water, so she can simply pour the water when she gets up instead of turning on the stove.
The problem is she still turns on the stove because she forgets the thermos has hot water, or she just wants to do it herself. As she has on different occasions burned several pots, herself and left the gas on, we finally made the call to remove the knobs on the stove. As this was at 2:30 am when she decided she wanted a cup of tea (which i refused because this would have turned into a 1.5 hour process- 5 minutes for the team to hot up, 15 minutes for the tea to be cool enough to drink, 25 minutes to drink the tea, and another 45 minutes for her to "sit up" after drinking the cup of tea) she got angry and decided to sulk. Once again watching Disney cartoons on the loveseat since we had a 12 year old sleeping on our couch again.
3. We may have another milestone coming up. While Grandma isn't a wanderer and is generally scared to leave the house on her own, she does have the unfortunate habit of unlocking and opening the door to outside in the middle of the night and taking a peek outside. She is supposedly checking to see if the door is locked (although as I mentioned, she first unlocks the door). I bought these motion sensor door alarms that are quite loud sometime last year. My mom wants me to start activating them. I'm hesitant but it may be time. I don't know. Its not fun.
4. But here's my favorite and probably the funniest. I'm in a wedding in May and the bridal shower is coming up this weekend. For the bridal shower, I bought a few things including a very pretty hatbox to hold everything, a lovely picture frame and two nighties. One is sorta seafoam blue and the other is a leopard print body shapper/bustier kinda thing. The bride is tiny. Like maybe 110 pounds and a skim over five feet. So of course the two nighties are small/extra small. No one in my family is a small by any stretch of the imagination. I, of course, come out of my room and see my grandmother going through the hatbox with her dinner also in her lap. I immediately go to take the items from her (chinese food and silk do NOT go together) which is when she INSISTS that the items are hers. In fact, she is holding the leopard print (x-tra small) body shaper and tells me straight-faced and indignant that this is the bathing suit she bought for herself not too long ago. I was literally speechless. My grandmother who has not been in a body of water OR left the house without a sweater on (even in 90 degree weather) in more than 15 years has convinced herself that I am trying to STEAL HER LEOPARD PRINT BATHING SUIT (which is again, not a bathing suit). I still took the items and had to hide them from her because she will pack them away when I'm not looking (she's taken a few bags and some victoria secret underwear from me this way). I'm always curious to see if this will come back to haunt me.
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