Isn't he lovely?

I have a new nephew!!! Yay! As there's a good chance I'll give up my last name upon marriage (unless I'm famous or his last name sucks), its always good to know the ole Dulciña moniker will fight on. Actually there were no doubts, there's a whole bunch of menfolk with my last name running around. But still I love the lil bit and his (first) face. But here's my conflict. I'm feeling a little guilty. Like maybe I didn't participate in enough pomp and circumstance in readiness for his arrival.

To be clear, my brother made the choice of going big or going home when he and his wife decided on expanding the fam. With newbie nephew, they now have three under the age of five. And all three of them are literally some of my favorite people on the planet. I'm not even kidding. I probably like them more than you. How do I know that? They can't read yet, and I like them a lot. So by process of elimination...  you can read so you probably lose. But for you to understand my guilt, here is some guidance on the difference in preparation for my first niece (The TrailBrazer) vs newbie nephew (Rookie Hotshot). And just because my middle nephew needs a name too, I'm gonna call him The Muscle


BABY GIFTS
The TrailBrazer
I was really excited when I first heard about the Trailblazer. And when I say really excited, I mean I started buying non gender specific baby stuff THE NEXT DAY. During the nine months (well really six, my brother is old school about sharing until after the first trimester) I kept buying things. I legitimately decided that I was going to provide her with all her themed holiday clothes and items for her first year. When she was eventually born in September, I had put together a baby shower gift bag that looked like Hallmark & Party City had decided to have a love child. I bought, and this is from memory so I'm probably leaving things out:
-Halloween outfit and maybe pumpkin doll?
-A stuffed turkey
-Baby first Christmas wearable blanket & toy
-Valentine's Day red outfit
-I think I skipped St. Patricks Day but I wouldn't swear by it.
-I certainly had an easter bunny in there
-And a stars & stripes outfit for 4th of july

I was ridiculous. More so than normal. (By the way, I am a fantastic gift giver and almost incapable of purchasing just one present for any occasion. So, you should want to be my friend and invite me to your parties. I also exclusively give cash for weddings. All in all, I'm a perfect guest)
Oh, and a Diaper Cake involved.

The Muscle
He was the first boy so I did go out and buy any number of things for him as well, but not to the ridiculous level of before. There was no theme.

Rookie Hotshot
I didn't even buy a onesie. I think I bought a rattle and some soft blocks just because I felt empty handed. Also, all the children have back to back summer birthdays in July, August & September. So there was already huge quantities of toys and clothes taking over my brother's household by the time the littlest one was born.

THE ENTRY - Here is where the differences really show.
The Trailblazer
I was working for a different company at the time who had sent me to India for an assignment. I scheduled my entire trip around the expected due date. Still yet, the trailblazer was born while I was crossing back over the Atlantic. When I arrived, the great NYC taxi strike had just started. My phone didn't work. I ended up calling our assistant to call a local cab company and then ran after that cab, luggage in tow, as he drove past me twice. Upon arriving home after my 19 hour flight, I changed my shirt, took my car keys and immediately went out looking for balloons, flowers and a card. I then drove to pick up food at the new parent's request about 15 minutes in the opposite direction in Queens, drove to pick up my mother and aunt from their jobs in the city and went straight up to the hospital. I came home the night, and passed out as I never had before.

Fast forward to the Rookie Hotshot
This delivery was scheduled so we knew when it was going to happen. My brother and sister in law went into the hospital, while I waited for updates via text. Instead of heading up to the hospital or fretting with my brother or even sitting at home and marveling in the joy of the new arrival, I went to see the last Harry Potter movie in IMAX 3D. I mean, come on, I bought these tickets months ago. I also turned off my phone while in the theater. I teared up during the movie. When I eventually returned my brother's call, I said the typical yay and congrats and then gave him my review of the movie. The next day, all my conversations went something along the lines of "OMG Harry Potter was so great. I'm so sad its done.. blah blah...hermione and ron... blah blah... hogwarts... blah blah... the books are so great... blah blah... Oh yeah, my brother had his baby last night too!"

So, of course a couple of days later I start overanalyzing and feeling bad. I mean where had the excitement and over the topness gone? Does this make me a bad aunt? I keep mulling it over and over in my head until...

THE GREETING
The Trailblazer
I love this little girl. She's clearly a ringleader and when you walk in, she has no problem telling you exactly where you are in her game and the best way to join. She may also be a lil smarter than me already. Honest to G-d truth, her sense of direction at 4 is better than mine will ever be.

The Muscle
He always has a smile immediately ready for me and oh goodness, that face is going to destroy some girls' hearts in the future. And at 2 he always has more and more to say. I enjoy them so much at this age.

And finally, The Rookie Trailblazer
Just Love. Doing nothing but being, I could literally feel my heart grow a little bigger to carve out that part of my heart that will always belong to him. Just like the first two did.

Hey little guy, welcome to permanent membership in the little group of my favorite people in the world.
Well played.

Walk to End Alzheimer's - The evolution of a Solicitation/Plea 2009

I'm getting ready to do my third Walk to End Alzheimer's this year. I like to take a look back at my original emails every year to see where my head was at when I wrote them. Its also interesting to see the things I focus on and my own sense of how important things were then vs my relative acceptance of things now. The thing that sticks out most to me in this email is my relative peace with and curiosity  about the disease. Two        years later, I admire that woman who wrote this letter and sometimes even envy her a bit. If you want to donate this year, click here.


-Dulciña

EMAIL DATED SEPTEMBER 26th, 2009
Hey Guys,

You guessed it. This is me asking you guys to donate to a cause again. I'll be doing the Memory Walk for Alzheimer's on October 25th. It would be great if you guys would consider giving to the cause. Here's my page http://MW2009nyc.kintera.org

As many of you know, I've been back at home living with my family for the past year and not working for a significant portion of it. What you may not know is that this means that I am back living with my grandmother who during the time I had moved out was diagnosed with early stage Alzheimer's. This has afforded me the unique opportunity to observe the progression of the disease on a day to day basis while also becoming a secondary caregiver to my grandmother.

There's no easy way to describe what I've seen and felt for the past year. I'll highlight for those who may be interested just a few things that immediately pop to mind as interesting observation/things you may not know/ random stuff to help you understand what this process has been like for me.

1. People who suffer from Alzheimer's get progressively more paranoid. My grandmother constantly hoards and packs away things she doesn't need "just in case" and when she can not locate them, immediately believes that my mother or I have put them somewhere while she wasn't looking.

2. For the first time, I've heard my grandmother tell tales of her own mother who I never met. This has pushed me to find out more about several of my long dead relatives. I've got to tell you, I've got a much more colorful family history than I ever expected.

3. Guilt and frustration go hand in hand when you're a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer's.

4. Regarding the former, I am significantly more patient than my mother or brother who also live here. I've attributed this to the fact that I majored in psychology in college and therefore knew a little bit more about what I was getting into and also remain morbidly fascinated with the progression of the disease.

5. Deja vu becomes the norm. Not only do Alzheimer's patients repeat themselves, my grandmother (and this may be all patients, I'm not sure) repeats the exact same phrasing when she repeats herself. There are stories she tells over and over, and I can now predict almost EXACTLY what words she's going to use in the exact order whether she told the story this morning or three months ago.

6. I've never been super religious or spiritual, but this past year I've felt more connected to God than I have in previous. I've also started going to church once a month after not having gone, but for special occasions, since i was a child. Interestingly, it's become a bonding experience as I usually take my grandmother (who is very religious but not mobile enough to go to church on her own) and my mother ( whose visits were sparse like my own) with me.

7. As many know, I was quite happily unemployed until a couple of months ago when I got bored and started to get antsy. Now, while I want to start working again, I'm nervous about not being around constantly. At the same time, I'm desperate for personal space. Once I'm in the position again to move out, I'm not sure if I'll be able to. (As an FYI, for those who do not know, I share a room with my grandmother. When I moved out almost three years ago, my grandmother had not been diagnosed. Approximately a week after I moved out, my grandmother had a minor stroke, Several months later she got the diagnosis. This has never sat well with me)

8. My grandmother always knows exactly who I am at the core, but peripherals about me will float away from her occasionally. The other day she asked me if I was pregnant when I came up from Jamaica (she was thinking about my mother who came up here in '81). Every once in a while she'll call me Bibby but know I'm Dulciña, her granddaughter. I let this slide more often than not.

9. Even with everything I've said, my grandmother still remains the woman I have known my entire life. She has stayed in this relatively early stage of Alzheimer's much longer than some people get and I am grateful for that.

Hmm, I never took the time to write down any of my thoughts on this before, and as I do so now, I realize there are a millions things i could write "off the top of my head" so I'll just stop there. For those who read this far, thanks for taking the journey. It would be great if you can find it in your heart (and wallets) to donate. Take care!