One day imma be THAT crazy chick

One night, not too long ago, I was having a little discourse with some gentlemen when I said the following "Every woman, and I mean, EVERY woman, is three to four of YOUR bad decisions away from an episode of Snapped." (check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snapped) Basically, I was trying to tell them, that no matter how level headed, beautiful, educated, chill or any other adjective you would use to describe any woman, paragons included, we're all constantly struggling to downplay our crazy.


Here are some things that ALL people, male or female, still active in "the game" should know.

1. In this day and age, EVERYONE is google stalking. Some are more adept than others. (I rank around a 7.5). So for goodness sake, Google yourself regularly.

2. Don't give out your last name/email address/affiliated schools etc. if your uncomfortable with what people can learn about you.

3. For goodness sake, look into your facebook privacy settings. Don't holla at me in the club only to have me look you up on facebook and see that your relationship status is anything but single or NOT THERE. Please don't insult me by being bold in your unfaithfulness.

4. The above also goes for having your main profile pic being you and your boo all cuddled up.

5. Screen for the crazy. If you don't know him/her and you have things to lose (i.e. a significant other, your house, your professional cred) don't do them wrong until you can anticipate if they'll lose it in some epic Jerry Springer type manner. I know I'm easily stalkable, so I don't do people dirty.

6. Text message conversations/relationships (yeah, I know I'm a hater, but this is still a generalization) ARE NOT REAL. In fact, if you can never have a real phone conversation with the person, or only randomly in the middle of the day, thats a pretty good indication that your the sidepiece, intentional or otherwise.

7. Ask direct questions. I kid you not, I now, due to previous experiences, have to ask the following set of questions when I meet someone new "Are you married? Does anyone think they're married to you? Are you single? Does anyone think they're in a relationship with you? Do you have any kids? Is there anyone who would disagree with any of your previous answers?"

8. I think its fair to warn your new potential mates about the crazy exes lurking (potentially in the bushes) in your past. ESPECIALLY if this is a a recent crazy ex. We all have a couple of loose canons in our past, but if this person is still residing in your house/has access to your voicemail and email/cried about losing you last week, I want to know.











9. Be nice unless you cant be. Especially if you seen someone naked. A vindictive person is bad. A vindictive person with personal details or God Forbid,  inappropriate Photos is EPIC FAIL WORTHY.

So I'm putting this all out there not because I've ever been this person. Honestly, I haven't. I try to be fairly classy in my dealings with people. My social networks are small and I know I'm running into people again. Call it self preservation. But oh my goodness, how I've plotted/imagined the downfall of one or two (or ten) people in my mind. And I've met THAT crazy chick/dude. Some of them were nice people. Some of them were attractive. All of them had been in "regular" and sometimes long-term relationships before. All of them shocked me with their elevated levels of crazy in real world settings.

So try not to taunt the hidden crazies. Try not to go down like that crazy chick/dude. Unless you have to. And if you do, and I love you, don't get caught and make sure you tell me all non criminally relevant details.  It was probably his/her fault anyway. That's my official stance.